I feel ... .

I feel as if life is going round in spiral.I don't know if this is a good thing or bad but what i certainly know is that i am not capable to handle it.What does life going in a spiral mean. For me it seems that every thing that once happened in my life is happening again.Life is giving me another chance at understanding what went wrong , what i missed to learn and what was left to be demonstrated . I fled last time,for i was really afraid as to what i may destroy. And finally everything crumbled upon me.And i destroyed myself , my ego, individualist behavior and above all the perception with which i was living. What i learnt from the last cycle ?? That every thing will again be normal there may be a little bit of pain initially but life shall continue to astonish us with it's marvels.

I thought i have evolved , i have learned and understood,things and the kind of pain people feel when things or life go hay-wired and i believed that shall have no significant impact on me.But now i stand as a person who tried to fill his hands with sand but all he got was few sand particles,as every single bit of sand drained out of his hand. And because of this failure he gets exposed to the environment and possibly to greater wrong which may be brought to him by others in the environment.

I have known this fact that ideals don't work in this society and i had transformed my self into someone who had his own ideals different from what society thought and what people want, i knew i was not doing wrong but people got hurt and i later understood those reasons and dropped my inhibition. I turned into a normal simple person similar to someone who just steps into a bigger city coming from a small town .

But i don't know what life wants of me, the first 2 years of this cycle are about to complete and these were exactly similar to the first 2 years of the 4 year span i was referring to. Its all coming back and that what makes me afraid , am i going down the rabbits hole ?? or is it something i missed that i need to learn and move forward ?? The answer to these questions,beyond doubt, are held in time and deeper down the rabbits hole. So i feel ..... Let Life Roll ... :)

Mindless Tweet..Creativity Speaks

Spontaneously creativity erupted out of the sack

Which was situated amidst the neural rack

The grey matter grew vibrant with flash flows

Intangibly catching any ideas that sack throws.

Only a portion of the brain simulated the scenario

With chemicals and proteins colouring the fresco.

What they aimed was to create a memory sap

As musical and picturesque as the reality flaps

The idea was too random to conceive

But it all depends on how you perceive.

Perception creates the chaos in the mind

Randomly creating order from their find

And finally a memory is conjured

Like a crystal recently carved.

Now the shiny thread of the memory is inserted in the rack

And this silents the eruption from the sack.

Our mind is indeed a designer's marvel

Where we usually find ourselves entangled.

--[A][B]

Imaginarium..

With a pen in my hand

I thought of writing something new

With the second thought my imagination flew

It soared in the astral plain

Where every thing was joyous, no pain

The fountain of youth shimmered with the golden glow

And i wondered , the charm paid the tow.

It continually dragged me towards it

As if calling me to experience life with it's hallow.

It appeared and vanished

And my imagination was vanquished

I wanted to experience more of it

And pen down everything as a gist.

I could have achieved the youth but darn,

I was so astonished with its charm

That i never cared where it belonged

All i wanted to do was watch it glow

With full might for the people below.

-- [A][B]

Hope

Flipping through the pages

I thought of the the beautiful daisies

The snow flakes and the iceman i would make

That's the beauty of hope no one can take.

Outside everything was covered in snow

And in the far west the sun still glowed

I pondered over the half filled glass as an optimist

I cannot let myself be bonded and feel like a sadist.

What should i do to make me happy

Enlightened i rose and walked out in the snow

I was going to make my imagination come true

All i carried was a red hat and an ice-cream cone

Gathering the snow and piling it as a round ball

And then another smaller one was installed

Further the humanoid features took shape

And finally my iceman was ready to skate.

I just wanted it to come to life

A miracle that everything, defies

Life doesn't give you everything

And every wish cannot be fulfilled.

All we could do is hope for the best

And let everything in time, rest

But hope is definitely a very good thing

It soothes your pain and spreads happiness akin.

But strange are the ways of people !!!

Sometimes things seem so strange , you don't want to move on a path . You wonder what are you doing with your life ?? Isn't it the same old question we have been asking ourselves over and over again about our existence , the usefulness of our existence and the injustice brought about to us by the choices we have made. But once a friend told me "Life is a never ending learning process" it teaches you enough to live your life and if you are not a good learner you learn by getting hurt , seemingly in the similar fashion as we were punished for not completing our homework in school days.

As the time passes we think we have grown and matured , we have control over every thing that exists in our environment.But what we ignore is the presence of the variables in this equation that governs our existence , the variables are the other people whose choices and decisions catalytically change the course of your life. I have thrived to perceive the good in people and never cared what wrong accompanied them and have had the understanding if any wrong was to come that would eventually not stand in the way of my goodness but now i suppose i have been presumptuous of certain things. Indeed i am not going to change the way i think but precaution is never hazardous , I still remember somebody told me once that "Expectation is the root cause of human suffering, the more you expect, the more you are wronged or indeed you feel you have been wronged". But as a human being and in the pretext of social existence how could you not expect ??

Social epistemology has always intrigued me , with behavioral patterns coming up at the top of the list,that makes me wonder why does an individual makes a certain choice.Strange i would say i have come across people who have changed the course of their actions under the influence of certain other individual . What makes you tick ?? Your mind or what people believe is right. I suppose that's a very demeaning question as most of you would wonder have i gone insane , who doesn't want to satisfy the society,after all we are a part of it and have to imbibe it's basis rules into our lives for getting accepted in to the society.I believe i have always been a rebellion , i wanted to live differently , mostly on the rules of right and wrong i had defined for myself. But time killed that inhibition and i was turned into a normal teetotaler who lived for the society and by the rules of the society.So what does indifference mean ?? Does it mean to become a troglodyte?? No indeed not ... and why would anyone abandon a system that provides so much potential for the growth of an individual ?? Being an individualist and standing for your beliefs cannot be justifiably wrong then why is the society too obsessed by the existence of individualists, why are there social rules to bind them ?? "I" is one word that i have been obsessed about since the day i started believing in myself but it has been challenging to sustain my ego, 'why so??' most of you would again wonder but i would say sustaining you existence is the most difficult of tasks when everyone in your environment thinks that they can outplay you, trick you in their own game is an easy and rightful way of dealing with you .

So what needs to be done ?? Again a very relativistic question which has a different answer from every person. But strange are the ways of people !!! And its really difficult to interpret each and every thing.Once in an article a physiologist suggested that people tend to observe everything in their surrounding and its a neural cortex reflex to capture every action in your environment and you trap that visual in your sub conscience mind and always go back to it when analysising a situation and you realize that you already had an experience but you tend to conscientiously ignore it as it was insignificant in the context of the situation. So its important to take control of your mind in dealing with real life situations and when you think that you are open to wrong but then again wont the life be meaningless if every thing would be as perfect as it should be..... Think.

SHE

She was standing in the corridor

I still remember how i was intrigued

Those long legs and the high heels

And the caricature which was such a deal.

She walked slowly into my heart

Like a dart hitting on the spot.

Stopping it was out of question,

She was so sweet i didn't have option.

Is she a girl or an angel

This is a mystery still entangled

I tried to figure it out

But all i could create was doubt.

I thought,will she ever know i like her ?

Will she ever care i was there ??

So i decided to make a mark on her life

And tattooed her name with a knife.

Although she noticed it without gesture

All this seems so stupid, she lectured

But i am madly in love with you,I said

And am willing to go beyond the conventions portrayed.

But she was an angel and me a human

My heart bleed but she was nowhere

She was gone and i learnt,somethings are never meant to be,

No matter how genuinely hard you tried for it.