I feel ... .

I feel as if life is going round in spiral.I don't know if this is a good thing or bad but what i certainly know is that i am not capable to handle it.What does life going in a spiral mean. For me it seems that every thing that once happened in my life is happening again.Life is giving me another chance at understanding what went wrong , what i missed to learn and what was left to be demonstrated . I fled last time,for i was really afraid as to what i may destroy. And finally everything crumbled upon me.And i destroyed myself , my ego, individualist behavior and above all the perception with which i was living. What i learnt from the last cycle ?? That every thing will again be normal there may be a little bit of pain initially but life shall continue to astonish us with it's marvels.
I thought i have evolved , i have learned and understood,things and the kind of pain people feel when things or life go hay-wired and i believed that shall have no significant impact on me.But now i stand as a person who tried to fill his hands with sand but all he got was few sand particles,as every single bit of sand drained out of his hand. And because of this failure he gets exposed to the environment and possibly to greater wrong which may be brought to him by others in the environment.
I have known this fact that ideals don't work in this society and i had transformed my self into someone who had his own ideals different from what society thought and what people want, i knew i was not doing wrong but people got hurt and i later understood those reasons and dropped my inhibition. I turned into a normal simple person similar to someone who just steps into a bigger city coming from a small town .
But i don't know what life wants of me, the first 2 years of this cycle are about to complete and these were exactly similar to the first 2 years of the 4 year span i was referring to. Its all coming back and that what makes me afraid , am i going down the rabbits hole ?? or is it something i missed that i need to learn and move forward ?? The answer to these questions,beyond doubt, are held in time and deeper down the rabbits hole. So i feel ..... Let Life Roll ... :)

3 comments:

Kenny said...

Life is in many ways both a spiral and a circle. Life is in a constant state of metamorphism, yet the past comes to re-visit us from time to time.

Kenny said...

Living life in a spiral! We are sentient of having a life that teaches us from things we did or said in the past. As we mature and grow old, we often re-evaluate these moments, but in the light of increased maturity and more life experience. The results are often degrees of self-critique of one's past life, but life is a constant cataclysm of metamorphism. Looking into the past can be daunting or enlightening with respect to one self, especially when realising that a person's mind is the sum total of his life experience. This is my second comment

abhinav said...

@kenny
Completely agree with you , it is our perception and evaluation of life that portrays to us how we had lived and sometimes it's good , sometimes it hurts but my understanding tells me to consider it a learning so as not to repeat the similar mistakes to the extent possible by being a better human being.

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