I feel as if life is going round in spiral.I don't know if this is a good thing or bad but what i certainly know is that i am not capable to handle it.What does life going in a spiral mean. For me it seems that every thing that once happened in my life is happening again.Life is giving me another chance at understanding what went wrong , what i missed to learn and what was left to be demonstrated . I fled last time,for i was really afraid as to what i may destroy. And finally everything crumbled upon me.And i destroyed myself , my ego, individualist behavior and above all the perception with which i was living. What i learnt from the last cycle ?? That every thing will again be normal there may be a little bit of pain initially but life shall continue to astonish us with it's marvels.
I thought i have evolved , i have learned and understood,things and the kind of pain people feel when things or life go hay-wired and i believed that shall have no significant impact on me.But now i stand as a person who tried to fill his hands with sand but all he got was few sand particles,as every single bit of sand drained out of his hand. And because of this failure he gets exposed to the environment and possibly to greater wrong which may be brought to him by others in the environment.
I have known this fact that ideals don't work in this society and i had transformed my self into someone who had his own ideals different from what society thought and what people want, i knew i was not doing wrong but people got hurt and i later understood those reasons and dropped my inhibition. I turned into a normal simple person similar to someone who just steps into a bigger city coming from a small town .
But i don't know what life wants of me, the first 2 years of this cycle are about to complete and these were exactly similar to the first 2 years of the 4 year span i was referring to. Its all coming back and that what makes me afraid , am i going down the rabbits hole ?? or is it something i missed that i need to learn and move forward ?? The answer to these questions,beyond doubt, are held in time and deeper down the rabbits hole. So i feel ..... Let Life Roll ... :)